Thoughts on Independent Living- written by a resident at SidLife

Four years ago, my wife and I, then in our early eighties, thought we were managing very well in our pleasant Norfolk home with all the social and practical amenities built up and enjoyed for over twenty years of active and fulfilling retirement.  We enjoyed fairly good health for our years, well looked after by our local doctor and surgery.  We had a good circle of friends of similar age - but one couple suddenly announced that they were selling up and moving to a retirement home while they were able to make such a choice with the support of but not at the insistence of their family.  Over several months they sorted their possessions, sold their house and moved into a nationally known independent living complex which allowed them complete independence in a small apartment in pleasant surroundings close to a city centre with all its amenities and facilities and with ready access to family, medical and care support.  Adequately staffed with a full time manager, the complex allowed for independent or communal living where meals and a laundry service were available.  Apartments could be rented or bought and all outgoings and maintenance covered by an annual fee, thus alleviating worries of domestic budgeting.  My wife and I were firmly encouraged by our friends to do the same ‘while there was still time’ - but, of course, we knew better, secure in our own little bubble of assured capability and longevity!

Within eighteen months, our situation changed dramatically.  The health of both my wife and myself deteriorated almost imperceptibly, the worst feature in her case being the slow, insidious advance of dementia which was fortunately cut short by a rapid physical decline resulting in her death - cause recorded as ‘frailty and old age’:  it comes to us all.  I managed well enough, or so I thought, on my own for a further year or so until overtaken by a couple of vicious infections which had me in hospital for nine weeks, followed by a month’s convalescence, after which it was clear that through diminished stamina and mobility I could no longer manage on my own at home. Through the prescience and positive thinking of my daughters I was removed from the long established familiarity and security of our Norfolk home and the comfort and reassurance of possessions long held dear, to be near one of them three hundred miles away in a small but attractive seaside town where they had chanced upon a house in attractive surroundings, close to the town centre and excellent medical and social facilities which offered independent living for up to sixteen residents supported by a full time staff.

My reaction on being, literally, wheeled in to investigate this proposed resolution to my living arrangements was not propitious.  I simply had not foreseen what I clearly had to give up - but any misgivings were swiftly allayed by my introduction to potential new surroundings.  I entered a house which presented an immediate atmosphere of warmth and welcome supported and enhanced by the reception accorded by the house manager and her then assistant.  An informal chat in a light and airy room overlooking a delightful enclosed garden was conducted in such a way as to reassure and inform me as to the benefits of residence, at the same time allowing my interlocutors to assess my own suitability to join the community.  It is essential that people understand the principle of communal living where individual privacy is totally respected but social contact, notably at mealtimes, is valued and encouraged.  Monthly rental, reviewed annually, covers everything except personal telephone, television and internet arrangements.  Tenancy rules are clearly stipulated and the house is staffed for five days a week, with each resident and apartment equipped with emergency alarm arrangements, especially nights and weekends.  It was made clear that once accepted, the house is one’s home, where one may come and go as one pleases but with a degree of support enabled by comprehensive staffing arrangements.

Now in residence for nearly two years I can look back with gratitude and relief at my daughters’ forethought and initiative in enabling me to settle into a place which satisfies all my immediate needs and relieves me of the cares and worries associated with day to day living and maintaining a house and garden.  I have a small but perfectly adequate set of rooms, sitting room, bedroom and bathroom, overlooking the garden.  I am fed regularly and well and, above all, kept warm.  I have access to communal areas and the dining room where residents gather three times a day for meals and can also sit and socialise at other times.  I have retained my car and also have a mobility scooter with dedicated charging point, so still have freedom to venture out and further afield. The biggest asset here is the staff, about a dozen in all, who have variety of roles including cleaning, cooking, management and maintenance.  All are extremely approachable at any time and assistance is available in case of illness(when meals may be served in one’s room).  General welfare is one’s own responsibility and that of next-of-kin, but residents’ meetings are held monthly, while individual consults with key staff regularly over the year ensure that we all feel properly served and looked after.  It isn’t a care home as such but links and liaison with such establishments can be called upon if and when necessary.  A board of six trustees oversees the whole, meeting regularly over the year and encouraged to meet informally with residents as often as may be. The Trustees’ Annual General Meeting is open to all residents, but ready access to any member of staff or trustee is available and encouraged where needful.  Day to day administration is in the hands of a Chief Operating Officer(ghastly title!)aided by two managers all of whom set the tone and are always approachable, upfront and willing. The general opinion, frequently expressed informally by residents, is that we could not be better looked after - and I, with my relatively brief experience, warmly endorse this.

Four years ago I would never have contemplated what I now acknowledge as being one of the most significant developments in my life - and certainly best suited to my needs in what are called ‘declining years’, now mitigated by the friendship, care and commitment of those who look after me and with whom I live.  I understand and can identify with the reluctance to avoid or defer any decision to surrender one’s perceived independence and assets accumulated over a lifetime.  However, advances in the prospect of longevity do not by any means guarantee maintenance of faculties and health, so far better to consider the indisputable advantages of ‘supervised’ independent living where advancing years may be considerably enhanced by offering a way of life largely free from the demands and worries of living alone surrounded by memories of a life which can no longer realistically be sustained.